Wednesday, July 22, 2009

Dad's illness and it's impact on creativity

It has weighed heavily on me that I have not posted to my blog (yes the book pin did get completed and I will post updates and pictures of the final product soon). My 82 yr old father who lives with me became seriously ill at the beginning of June. At first it was suppose to be 3 days in the hospital for IV antibiotics and then home. Well 3 days became 10 days and home became rehab. Two days into rehab he went down hill rapidly and no one could (or would) figure out why this was happening, but it was clear he was leaving us. After a week or so of having him there but under hospice care, a wonderful nurse became concerned that the infection he initially had seemed to be showing up again, but in a different place. Her efforts to get him back on antibiotics appears to have turned everything around for him - but the road to recovery and home will be long now.
The effort to mange his care, the finances for it, and even the grieving I went through when he was at his sickest, had sucked all the creative life out of me. During the height of his illness, I could not even muster the energy and mental concentration to read the various jewelry and art newsletters, blogs and on-line list groups I belong to. Art did not seem like an outlet but a joy that I could not bring myself to allow myself when things in life were so serious. Normally, even when I am away from my craft table and workbench for a while, I am still actively getting input and mentally working on new ideas. But with Dad's extended illness - at one point he was barely eating and no longer communicating to anyone - I could not even handle anything that was related to my creativity. It was as if everything on that side of my brain function went numb.
Slowly, ever so slowly, I am fighting my way through the fog clouding my creativity. I am trying to read the newsletters and blogs again and a glimmer of creative thought is starting to occur. I am disappointed that the marketing work I was going to do for the business has gotten lost too but more importantly I am disappointed that I was unable to create at I time when that creativity may have helped my soul the most. I hope to be back at the table soon . . . and maybe this time of struggle will help me re-purpose myself and my work. Wish me luck!